Young Mums
Introduction
At the family BBQ, Emily and Jonathan a close family members to me, reminded me about this Young Mums blog I mentioned months ago. So, here it is. But, I changed it completely, considering am not a woman...wait...let me check....Nope, not a woman! I fought I give my thoughts about what Young Mums had to struggle with and actually acknowledge. Whilst, I was in America with my sister Karen and her, back then two kids Xavier and Alyssa whom are cuties! I was called "Uncle ... Ed-die" and I had fun but whilst being there I did a few bits and bobs into parenting that made me think about what parents actually do, but at the same time what they have to balance. Plus, Emily and Jonathan have two kids of there own Ethan and Alex, and now my sister has a new baby Genevieve. But, comparing me to my sisters am the youngest, this blog is looking at young mums age 16 to 25, but I have some insight for people slightly older than 25. So, let's have a look at some challenges that could acquire with young mums.
Challenges
(1) The What Ifs
I think this is quite a valid challenge when you're thinking of the What If's when you find out youre pregnant and expecting a child. When you hear so much about what you 'should' of done/have done, it can be hard to stop the 'shoulds' from ruling you're lives. Whether it's that we should get married first, we should have waited until we graduated from university, or we should have waited until we're 30. We should have 'sowed our wild oats' and travelled and really lived before sucked into the boring void of parenthood.....No, I think it's something that when you're a young mum we consider the factors of yes there is the what ifs. But, through protective sex, whether it was expected or not expected it's happened. I think you will think about what you should of done later on but I feel and when I see my family with kids, and I see parents on films or TV shows we can see that having children alone is one of the greatest challenges on the planet. And, to visually be apart of that makes the what if's seem invisible. I know parents younger than me, and they do think about the what if's but I know by fact that it doesn't stop you going university, you can go back to it or finish the final year. I have seen it been done, you can travel where you are in you're country and the whole marriage idea is between preference I think it all comes down to you're morals or religion. But there it is, the what ifs could be classed as one of the challenges when considering having a baby or when you are expecting.
(2) Confidence with Stereotypes
I have to say that this is probably one of the well known facts about Young Mums, they are being stereotypes and people in the streets say "Is that you're sister" and I think when you need that confidence to actually say "No, that's my child" because let's be honest the older generation because of how they were brought up can be surprised at how young people can get whilst expecting or having a child. But, I think parenting can be effected by the stereotypes surrounding younger parents, I remember in high school people generally bullied people who were expecting and calling them 'a slut'. But, lets clear this stereotypical non-sense for a moment. I think when young mums have the confidence to achieve greatness they can say to the school mates, friends, family that this wasn't or was expecting and it's my choice. I feel that then lack of confidence when challenging stereotypes can make us feel extremely self conscious and defensive. So while we might have the physical energy to keep up with toddlers, the same and embarrassment can be emotionally draining, for many reasons. Am not saying, this is everybody. But, am saying that if you aren't use to the stereotype environment it can just be a challenge to build up the confidence to tell the stereotypes to grow up.
3) Confidence with Negativity
Apart from Twilight, Bella Swan being that vampire killing mother! this confidence with negativity shows us the same line that young pregnant women have to deal with the negativity within the media and with people surrounding them. There's ads claiming that young mums will ultimately ruin their children's futures. ,. and TV shows only showing young mom's if they're disadvantaged or incarcerated. But, let's just blow up that utter rubbish and say that being a parent can be hard. I don't know from being one, but I know from little bits of baby sitting, being an uncle, that when you're constantly being berated by negativity, on the news, the internet, in random comments in the street. It can be hard, negativity leads discouragement, hopelessness, and a severe lack in confidence. What young parents actually need is positivity. So, hopefully you got a loving family, that will support you and actually be positive about you expecting! I know some of the young mums I know, still are with there lover that created the child, but I know some that don't. Which is okay! Because, as long for any reason there's some civil relationship for the dad, the mum, the child to get to know each other in a civil manner that's okay. But, I know some young mums that there child doesn't know there father which we cannot judge.....We can not judge anyone if they are young and with a child, who gives us the right to judge. We can judge bad decisions made in films and TV Shows because that's make belief. Never judge or focus you're negative energy on somebody because in fact that negativity is just a shield for that someone to make there lives slightly better because they probably have a crummy life too, which is still wrong. So, lots of positive energy flowing, yes am being spiritual now! Karma can work in many ways, be positive and ignore negative energy and that positive energy might stay and make the world look brighter.
4) Annoying Comments
I think this links to what I've been saying that remember when you told everyone you were pregnant and I bet someone said "Did you plan this?", and was anyone angry at you for throwing your like away? And now, as a parent, do strangers constantly mistake you for the nanny or sister of the baby? Get over it! One of the biggest challenges that I've seen is young mums dealing with ridiculous comments but if we are more confident in society that this is actually okay for young mums to get pregnant and to enjoy a life with there child. They aren't 'throwing it away' they are expanding there life to enjoy parenthood and happiness. BNut, if parents mainly the young ones, get more confident in there parenting, like if the baby didn't crawl inside the oven you're doing a good job! If you haven't passed the child scissors or a knife still a good job! But, if you have that confidence you wouldn't be hurt or angered by the comments of people you don't even know. People say that, if you don't give a monkey butt about there comments, you will get something in return, and that is being happy with yourself for ignoring negative people.
5) Competing Roles
I think this is an interesting challenge, because the most challenging part of being a young mum wasn't becoming a mother, or committing to a wife-hood or maturing into adulthood. Why not be a juggler and do all three?!?! Is that even possible? One minute for example, you're a young college student with a decade of 'me' time ahead of yourself, and then boom in the oven, something's baking and you have a child. You have the responsible for a growing fetus, maybe a new marriage, and the livelihood of not only yourself but a family of three......Think about that? All that, in the matter of say 4 months maximum. I have seen mums that balance of the social life as well with all this, but I think when looking at my friends and other people it's quite hard to have 'me' time because 'me' time if you're child's time. If you balance and organise yourself, like when the child is asleep then it's a little 'me' time. But, it's rare and I have seen this as fact, not speculation.
6) Developing Your Identity
I think many young women would consider finding motherhood to be an incredible catalyst for personal growth. You'll have to be shifting you're perspectives and refocusing your goals. Motivating yourself to be better and more than you already are. I think that being said, that it can be say to lose yourself in the pile of what we now call 'responsibilities'. Personal growth has to be mindful and deliberate, otherwise it's easy to let motherhood consume your adult identity, I think having that motivator would be you having kids because they look up to you, and setting that identity of how you were brought up, with manners, politeness, knowing the forms of right and wrong can what makes you're parenting an excellent role model for you're children.
7) Comparing Your Life to Non-Parent Friends
I think this challenge can be completely internal and can be controlled, I have seen mums where they do have a social life as I said before but it's different. I remember one time, I went out and this woman around my age was mentioning her darling baby, and then a non-mum shouting "Shot!" and I was just thinking back to that and I think the comparison of what a non-parent and a parent would do. I think when you take on board a child, you have to hold the deck and be responsible because over drinking could leave you more than that hungover in the morning. And, the fact I notice a mum appreciates her appearance slightly more than a non-parent and I think that's because they have set that role model mind set. But, I know young mums that keep that social side, who the ones that don't have that social side they need one. I feel that being a mother or a dad 24/7 can be hard, because you haven't been in communication with adults so you find Disney channel you're favourite programme and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse then Game of Thrones....yeah tip there don't let kids watch Game of Thrones....or WWE, I made that mistake and boy I was in trouble but to be fair I was napping.....no, no excuse really there haha. But, I think if you have that supportive family you can have a social life, I know people where there parents, grand-parents, sisters, brothers, friends baby sit there kids so there can enjoy themselves together, either on a meal, going out drinking, watching something at the cinema you know like you use too. But, also just realize that if you have a couple of friends over with or without kids you can still have a blast because I notice there is strength in numbers, so it wouldn't feel as much stress on your shoulders then if you are having any, and parents can talk to other parents whilst kids being kids play upstairs in there room or asleep in a crib.
8) Loneliness and Isolation
I think this is why a Young Mum should have confidence in herself, the truth of the matter is there might be 10-15 years age different with parents at your kids school, which can be really intimidating for younger parents. And that age gap isn't something that ever goes away, all through high school. There's also the fact that a lot of young mums are the first of their friends/peers to navigate the strange new world of parenting, which can be isolating experience. So, when you're kid goes to Kindergarten/Nursery or whatever try and communicate with other mums then you have someone outside of family, non-parents you actually have a same age mum or better an experience older mum that has that balance or experience that you can question about if they have experienced what you're going through.
9) Sustaining a Young Relationship
I think this is a difficult challenge that if you're fortunate enough to find the right person and be fully committed to marriage in your 20s, there are actually a lot of perks to getting married sooner rather than later. But marriage itself is met with a lot of cynicism these days. Young marriage? What are you CRAZY? That'll never work! I think the fact that doomsday messages that young couples hear are overwhelming at beast, detrimental at worst. Marriage in a nutshell is hard, always even on holidays you can't just slot a card in for 30 minutes to have a break. Marriage is a 24/7 deal, till death to you part which is literal not in a video game concept. But, when you're constantly told that your relationship doesn't stand a chance, it might be more tempting to throw in the towel when times get tough. Why fight for something that's destined to burn in flames? I feel that if you feel, the relationship won't work and you're getting married for the child, don't do it. Because, a child that sees parents arguing a lot isn't healthy and he or she will think that's okay. So, when you consider marriage make sure it's for someone that you love and not for the love of you're child.
10) Following Your Intuition
I know that young parents are often more reliant on "experts" and/or antiquated standards from mums/aunts/older family members because what could we possible know about? It's hard to trust yourself when you're constantly hearing that you don't know what you're doing. But from a youngster like myself, who only has glimpses of this young parents...no...correction....all parents deserve to be educated and supported in their decisions. Yes, young parents might screw up but at least they will learn from there mistakes then hearing from it. Once you experience a mistake, only then will you learn.
11) Money Just Got Real
I was surprised on my research travel that this wasn't a gender that Young Mums face....really? I think when you are expecting a child, money is actually quite a big part. Oooo new iPhone 6 comes out, it bends but am still gonna get it....although I could buy a crib. See, you can't spend willy nilly you have to consider the factors of babies need somewhere to eat, sleep, poop. Yes, I just said poop. So, you need cleaning stuff, diaper, baby food because they can't eat McChicken Sandwich meals now. Plus, you need baby milk or breast milk which ever. You have to think about money, budgeting, finances, child education, college education, hobbies, sports, selective music (yeah any swear word music is out). All this and more has to be considered, if you want to go to Avenged Sevenfold Concert in another part of the country, need that really helpful babysitter. All this, you'll need to think you can just get up and go.
Advice
I think my key advice is that if you feel you're doing a bad job, you're actually doing a good job. I think it all comes down to confidence. It's like a test, a continuous test that if you have confidence to do well you will. So, I think if you just watch good solid programmes that will help you, not Jerry Springer he can't help. Maybe, Young Mums, Dance Mums, Doctor Phil, Oprah, and make sure you have a good balance of kids programming and appropriate ones like 90s Rugrats, Rosie and Jim, Peppa Pig too is okay. But, I think a balance might be needed so the parent isn't going insane with a certain programme.
What Could Possibly Be The Bottom Line?
Since am not a parent, my first line hasn't even begun, I am not a parent but I can see the challenges that awaits women and men when expecting a child. I know, some people have dropped the role of 'Dad' but I think that's because of not being ready. But, let's be honest when expecting or not expecting you can never be ready, so how can young mums be ready? Well, that bottom line can be a lot of things. But, my logical conclusion would be that for a young mum to be ready is to have confidence, love, responsible and to be that role model, and that readers is my bottom line.
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